137: Dealing with the Death of a Loved One

Summary

In this episode of the Retire South Shore Radio Podcast, hosts Mark Rowlette and Damon La Tanzi delve into the sensitive topic of dealing with the death of a loved one. The episode offers practical advice and emotional support, aiming to guide listeners through one of life's most challenging experiences.

Outline

Segment 1. Introduction (00:00:04 - 00:00:38)

1. Jordan Rich welcomes listeners and introduces the topic: dealing with the death of a loved one.

Segment 2. The Inevitability and Initial Challenges of Loss (00:00:39 - 00:01:47)

1. Mark Rowlette discusses the inevitability of death and the initial financial responsibilities.
2. Emphasizes the important role of advisors during these challenging times.

Segment 3. Empathy and Support for Clients (00:01:48 - 00:02:23)

1. Damon La Tanzi talks about the emotional connection with clients and the role of advisors in providing stability.
2. Addresses the pain and complexity of managing finances while grieving.

Segment 4. Practical First Steps After a Loss (00:02:24 - 00:04:12)

1. Jordan asks about the initial practical steps.
2. Mark and Damon discuss common scenarios where one partner manages finances, and the importance of a contingency plan.
3. Damon outlines the immediate need to contact funeral homes, arrange for multiple death certificates, and notify family members.

Segment 5. The Value of Planning Ahead (00:04:13 - 00:06:19)

1. Jordan and Mark discuss the importance of planning ahead for financial and legal matters, including notifying Social Security and pension plans.
2. Damon stresses the need for contacting estate planning attorneys to ensure all documents are in order.

Segment 6. The Emotional Impact and Decision-Making (00:06:20 - 00:07:52)

1. Mark advises against making hasty decisions after a loss and highlights the importance of having a supportive team.
2. Emphasis on minimizing stress by being prepared and taking things slowly.

Segment 7. Personal and Client Experiences (00:09:10 - 00:11:24)

1. Mark and Damon share personal anecdotes and client stories to illustrate the emotional and practical aspects of dealing with a loss.
2. Highlight the significance of human connections and the comforting role of advisors beyond financial matters.

Segment 9. Other Considerations in Losing Different Loved Ones (00:11:25 - 00:14:24)

1. Damon discusses the different considerations when losing parents, children, or other loved ones.
2. Each type of loss has its unique impact and associated responsibilities.

10. Guidance for Those Unprepared (00:14:25 - 00:17:54)

1. Jordan and Mark talk about providing immediate help for those who haven't planned ahead.
2. Emphasis on not making immediate major decisions and seeking help to navigate the process.

11. Final Thoughts and Resources (00:17:55 - 00:20:04)

1. Jordan and Mark provide final thoughts on the importance of having a compassionate, knowledgeable team to support through tough times.

Transcript

Jordan Rich [00:00:04]:

Welcome. This is the retire South Shore radio podcast produced by South Shore Retirement Services, inviting you to get started on the path toward your dream retirement today. Hello, I'm Jordan Rich with the founder and president of South Shore Retirement Services, Mark Roulette. Enjoy today's episode. Very important and sensitive topic, what to do when a loved one passes. We all know this is inevitable. It's part of the life cycle, but it's also an interesting time and a challenging time for some.

Mark Rowlette [00:00:38]:

Yeah, when I started in the business, it was always a conversation around it, right? It was always a conversation around, you know, you're helping people with their money, with their income during retirement, and then you get to that, you know, end of life situation. And sometimes people had life insurance, and some times people didn't. And, you know, anytime you were looking at it, in the beginning of my career, and probably the same for Damon, it was such a long range thing, but having done this for such a long time, fortunately, helping people build their strategies, but unfortunately, working with them for many years, people age and people start to pass away. And a lot of our presentations revolve around what do you do when a loved one passes away? And there's obvious things that, you know, that happen, but there's obviously financial responsibilities that still have to be taken care of and addressed and certain checklists of things that you should be addressing whenever the timing is right. You know, when. When a loved one were to pass, it's not a comfortable situation, obviously, for the family. It's not, you know, a fun time for the advisors, but the advisors are there to help people when serious situations happen. And there's nothing more serious than losing a loved one.

Damon La Tanzi [00:01:47]:

I think you're right, Mark. Our clients are really more than just, hey, we're managing their money. We're doing that. They become part of our family and our friends, and to watch them go through the pain of losing a loved one, if we can play a role in providing that stability, that voice of reason around what they should be doing, whether it's with their finances, whether it's with the pension, Social Security. I know we're going to get into more of these in detail, but there's so many different elements that they have to balls, they have to juggle, and it's not an easy time to do it because they're grieving, they're mourning, they're hurting. And if we can be there to help them make that transition, it's an incredible responsibility for us.

Jordan Rich [00:02:23]:

So there's a great sensitivity to the issue, but there's also a practical approach that we'll take now. We'll give, as we always do, Mark and Damon folks, a chance to take a few notes and get some basic information. Where do we start? And it's a very complex issue, but where would you like to start?

Mark Rowlette [00:02:39]:

Well, listen, you know, I mean, Damon and I have seen this multiple times where in a couple situation, one person tends to take on the role of taking care of the finances, and one person doesn't. It doesn't necessarily gravitate towards the husband or gravitate towards the wife. It's just generally one person takes on that role. And if that responsible party is the one that passes away, well, a lot of the time it can leave somebody feeling extremely vulnerable, nervous, and not knowing what to do. And having a team around you going through the checklist of things that we'll go through today, it just allows them, I guess, that peace of mind of knowing somebody's got their back. Right. And I think that's really important. And obviously, we're talking about South Shore retirement services, but whomever you're working with, make sure that you have a contingency type plan.

Damon La Tanzi [00:03:39]:

Of what do you do? You've got this checklist. You've got to contact the funeral home and make those arrangements. Probably even before that, you've got to call various family members and other individuals in your life that need to know about this loss. And just in terms of practical advice, when you talk to the funeral home, you do need to get death certificates, and you want to get more than one because it's likely you're going to have to send these certificates to places where you might have various accounts, whether it's your brokerage account or your bank account. A good rule of thumb is to get at least ten of them. Listen, if you don't end up needing them all, at least you don't have to keep going back and forth and making more work for yourself.

Jordan Rich [00:04:12]:

And that's a very practical first step. And there are many sort of first steps that sort of happen all at once, which is why the pressure is on. And having this, like, as we say every week, Mark, having the opportunity to plan just a few steps ahead, boy, does that make a difference when the time comes.

Mark Rowlette [00:04:30]:

Absolutely. I mean, when the time comes, no matter how prepared you are for something like that, it's a really difficult time. And I've had it unfortunately, unfortunately happened multiple times with clients that have passed away. And, you know, we're not immune to the fact that it's a very emotional situation. So having had the experience of going through this with clients time after time, you're really astute to the fact that they are maybe not in a situation that they could make big decisions, nor do they have to make big decisions. I think making a big decision after a situation like this is probably not necessarily a mistake, but it's some time that maybe you want to put your foot on the brake and maybe proceed with a little bit more caution before you make a big decision that potentially you cannot reverse.

Jordan Rich [00:05:13]:

You're listening to retire Southshore radio. That, of course, is the voice of Mark Roulette. And joining us today is his colleague and a member of the all hands analysis team, Damon Lattanzi. And let's move off of the immediacy, which is all important, of course, the arrangements, all that to happen. Oftentimes it's a sudden passing. Damon, what would be some of the things to consider once the shock has worn down a bit and once people have a chance to gather their thoughts?

Damon La Tanzi [00:05:40]:

It's a great question. Jordan, I think if you have an attorney that drafted estate planning documents for you, that's a good early phone call to make to make sure that all those documents are in order. If you've got a will trust, you know, those things are important. And we'll lay out what the loved one who passed away, what their wishes were, and what they wanted to have happen. You've got to contact Social Security. You know, if you're married, you could be entitled to a survivor's benefit, sometimes called a widow's benefit. That can change your whole income structure in terms of how much you're getting. You've got to contact the credit bureau. So there's all these different things you want to do, and they don't have to be done day one, but they do have to be done at some point.

Mark Rowlette [00:06:19]:

Yeah. I think with the Social Security thing especially, it's not so much that maybe you're eligible for more money. That's part of it. You know, you could maybe be triggering over onto your spouse's benefit, but Social Security don't know that your spouse passed away. So they will potentially keep paying you. And it might seem like, oh, they keep paying me, and I'll get to them when I get to them, but at some point, you're going to have to pay them the money back, and that might be something that would put you in a financial, you know, difficult situation. It's the same thing with pension plans. If you have a pension plan and there's some different benefit off of it, the end of just somebody passing away, you, you want to make sure that you notify the pension people.

Jordan Rich [00:06:56]:

There's a lot more we'll get to in the second part. But I just wanted to conclude in part a here with the fact that you love to get together with clients on a regular basis. You have quarterly updates and more if needed. And I would imagine one of the things you talk about when both parties are present and healthy and available is think about these things. Start the ball rolling. Don't overthink it, dwell on it, but at least get some preparation in place. Damon, you know, Mark and I, when.

Damon La Tanzi [00:07:25]:

We're in the conference room meeting with clients, we have this sort of running joke, which is really kind of a morbid joke, which is we spend some amount of time killing one of them off. Hey, what happens if, you know, husband passes away and wife survives? What happens if wife survives or passes away and husband survives? You got to go through these what ifs. It's not pleasant, but plan, plan, plan. If you don't have a plan, it's much, much harder when something happens that you didn't expect and now you're scrambling to try to put all these pieces together.

Mark Rowlette [00:07:51]:

Yeah, it's all part of when we stress test person's portfolio, when we're looking at their overall retirement plan, and you're not just looking at how their money's positioned and fee structures and all of the rest of the obviously natural things that you would look at. Like Damon said, we look at the what if scenario. So let's have a look at what if somebody were to pass away because we know income would potentially drop. We know income need would potentially drop, we know taxes potentially will go up and all of these things. Are you still able to function at the level that you want to function at doing the things that you want to do? When somebody happens to pass away, do you have the resources in place to cover that need? And I think that's really important. And it's really comforting to people to know that if I have to go through this significant loss in my life financially, am I going to have to sell the house, am I going to have to go and change some other part of my life that I really don't want to have to change? If this big life changing event happens, which I have no control over.

Jordan Rich [00:08:50]:

We're talking about a very raw and immediate issue that affects everyone. No one gets out of this world alive, as we know. But it's important to be sensitive. It's not just about the money and the finances and the security market. And you're ardently in favor of thinking about the human beings in this case.

Mark Rowlette [00:09:10]:

Well, yeah, I think, you know, there's obviously things that can be done ahead of time to prepare, but when you're going and talking on a radio show about losing a loved one, somebody might be listening that just lost a loved one. And really, it's more about having that team approach around a person and knowing that there's people who can help you through that really difficult time. And there's obviously things that you should be addressing and things that maybe you should not be doing when you go through that. But having a team approach, which is what we have here in the office in Hingham, it's basically all hands are on deck again for a different situation. And most of the time, when this happens, yes, we've had some clients that have come into the office and being new clients, that have just lost a loved one, and now they're looking for an advisor. But we also have clients that we've become close with, like Damon said before the break, and they lose someone that we lost as well. I mean, maybe it's different, but it's still someone that you've gone through a lot with. You've built, you know, a long term business relationship with, and those business relationships kind of turn into, you know, somewhat personal relationships, because we ask a lot of questions that have nothing to do with finances.

Mark Rowlette [00:10:12]:

You know, how were the grandkids? How was your trip to the Caymans? How was, you know, how's the house being built up in New Hampshire now that you've retired? All of these things, and when that person's gone, it's a really difficult situation. So anything that we can do, and we stress this all the time, anything that anyone can do to remove stress out of their lives that they can control, you want to do that. And if you prepare ahead of time, or even if you haven't prepared, even if, you know, you didn't expect to lose someone and you lost them early, and you're like, oh, my gosh, I have all this stuff, and I don't know what to do with it. But it's still a time where there's lots of things that you can do and should do in order to put yourself in the best possible position, I think.

Damon La Tanzi [00:10:50]:

Mark, this reminds me of a client situation we have a client, and he had lost his wife some time ago, and he came to one of our workshops, which normally is for people that aren't clients, but we do invite clients to it because it's great to have them there. And then he came to a St. Patty's day event, and he had said it, that the client event, you know, the nighttime is the hardest time for me. During the day, I'm busy, I'm running errands. But at nighttime, that was the time when my wife and I would spend time together, watching tv and just being together. So that's the hardest thing. And he was so grateful to be able to come out to our events, and it just made us feel good. Nothing to do with the money and how we're helping him otherwise. But that's huge, that human connection with people.

Mark Rowlette [00:11:27]:

Yeah, I totally agree. I mean, we talk about numbers all the time, percentage tax strategies, different things that you could be doing and thinking about in order to improve your financial situation. But in the end of the day, I like to think that everyone who listens to us on the radio knows that, you know, they figure, we know what we're talking about. But let's not lose sight of the fact that we work with real people, and this is their life savings. And when part of their world falls apart, meaning losing a loved one, you gotta have people who are, you know, compassionate, on your side and in your corner in order to help you get through that difficult time and help you make sure that you're not missing something that, because you're not even thinking about it, that could be detrimental to you.

Jordan Rich [00:12:08]:

Gentlemen, we talk often about estate plans and all the important things, and oftentimes when one is putting together a plan in your healthy years, and you're thinking, this is what I want to see happen when I'm gone. And it's oftentimes a one and done, and sometimes you review it later. But it's a great feeling to know that the people you're leaving behind are going to be safe and secure. And I know that's often the case with people in the office when they're dealing with these life and death issues that we are all likely to face. That feeling of relief that you at least took care of some of these things in advance.

Mark Rowlette [00:12:44]:

I think a lot of people want to do that ahead of time. We have a lot of clients that are in second marriages, in retirement, and they have children from their first marriages, and they want to set things up in such a way that if something happens to one of us. I would like the other person to be able to utilize the money, but if something happens to the other person, I would like the remaining balance of my accounts to go back to my children. It's a completely reasonable, normal thing that people would do, but you have to plan ahead for that. So part of what we'll look at, especially with second marriages, is, have you had that conversation? Have you talked about it? Because a lot of the time, you know, the stuff that Damon and I talk about in the conference room and Erica as well, it's not normal dinner conversation. Right. You're not sitting down normally with your family saying, hey, if I die, you're going to get to use this for until you pass away, and then it's going to go back to. It's not normal conversation.

So you can see relief a lot of the time on people's faces when you do bring it up and you do address it because it's a normal practice, especially in a second marriage.

Damon La Tanzi [00:13:45]:

Jeff, we've spent a fair amount of time talking about what happens if you lose a spouse, but there's other loved ones that you can lose. Our clients who are in or near retirement, mostly their parents are passing away. We've had just horrible situations where our clients have lost a child or grandchildren. All of these things have similar overlapping, but their own considerations. You lose a child and suddenly your perspective changes. Like, we just want to get retired soon and spend more time with our family. We don't want to have to go to work every day or, gosh, we lost my mom, and now we've inherited her house, and we have to handle that. So there's all these different considerations depending on who in your life you've lost. And, you know, I think our rolemark is to be there to help guide people through. What are those different considerations depending on, unfortunately, who they may have lost in their life.

Jordan Rich [00:14:32]:

I'd like to go back before we wrap up here today and talk about the person. And there are many, and I include myself at times who haven't done all that pre planning and haven't really taken the time to do this. And it's not a character flaw. We all get busy. What about the person who's in distress right now or has been recently? The idea that you can swing into action and help those people is very, very key here.

Mark Rowlette [00:15:00]:

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I would say to anyone who's gone through something like that or is going through something like that is be careful of the things that you should not be doing. I mentioned it before, not making massive decisions after a situation like this and sitting down and speaking to someone. I mean, I think that's the resounding thing, is if you speak to someone and we talk about this week in and week out, people don't necessarily know what they don't know. So how you take over money, how you retitle assets to yourself, maybe you don't need to make that major purchase because you're obviously going through a really emotional time. And from my perspective and from Damon's perspective, we've not gone through losing a spouse, but we've been beside clients going through that same situation. And some people are going through it and they know it's going to happen when a spouse gets sick and they know they're going to pass away. And some people have been through it when they didn't know it was going to happen.

Mark Rowlette [00:15:51]:

It was an accident. It was something really quick and they weren't prepared and they didn't have that. They haven't had that time to kind of process what's going to happen and take stock of what they should be doing. So I think the general theme of what I'm talking about today is reach out to people. Reach out to us. Come into the office. Let's review what you're doing. It's not a morbid, necessarily, conversation if you're planning ahead. It's actually giving both people in a situation or a family, in whatever situation you're dealing with. It's actually giving them confidence to know that if something were to happen, that the other person is going to be okay. And that's what everyone wants. Right.

I think it's easier, Mark, for us to facilitate those conversations in the room with them. It can be very hard for a husband and wife to talk about what happens if you die. It's just emotionally charged. And for us in the conference room, we can facilitate that discussion because we've had it so many times and we know how to plan around what happens if this. What happens if that.

We've seen it before and we've done it. Doesn't make it easy, but I think most people will feel better if they have that plan.

Jordan Rich [00:16:54]:

And I'll happily share this because it's, well, in the past, but. And I've talked about it openly, even on air, but I mean, I was a widower about ten years ago and had the great luck at that point. I did not know you gentlemen, but I had the great luck of having people in my life, including my dad, who's a very successful accountant, knows facts, figures and numbers step in and guide me through a process. It was not a surprise, the passing. But I don't care who you are. I don't care how much money or how little money you have. It's a jarring time. And to have anybody in your corner, anybody who is knowledgeable and trustworthy, is such a gift. I can't say that enough.

Mark Rowlette [00:17:35]:

I don't think you could have put that any better. We have clients with tens of millions of dollars and we have clients with hundreds of thousands of dollars. And like you just said, it doesn't matter how much money you have. That's a really vulnerable time. And you want people to kind of steer the ship for you and take over. People that you trust are doing the right thing for you at the right time for the right reason.

Jordan Rich [00:17:55]:

There are all kinds of ways to get information. And Damon, I'll have you share with the audience because you do it so well on the other stations, how people can find out more, get connected, etcetera, etcetera.

Damon La Tanzi [00:18:07]:

Jordan probably the easiest way is to visit our website at retiresouthshore.com On our website, you can set up a 15 minute strategy call, doesn't mean it has to be exactly 15 minutes. Mark, as he's fond of saying, likes to talk. Sometimes that 15 minutes becomes 20 or 30 minutes. But you can set up a time to talk with me or Mark or Erica through the website. It's retiresouthshore.com or give our office a call, 781-517-9629 the office is more than just me and Mark and Erica. We have a tremendous team here, and they would like nothing better than to connect with you, find a time for you to come in or chat on the phone with us and just get some clarity around either what we're talking about today or some of the other topics that we talk about regularly on our radio network.

Jordan Rich [00:18:53]:

I'll just add there's the newsletter and there's also podcasts. We're updating the podcast series right now so that a lot of these very prevalent topics that we're talking about on air will be matched on the podcast series. Mark, any final thoughts on this very important topic?

Mark Rowlette [00:19:08]:

Well, I mean, I've gone through it personally with my aunt, who passed away last year. My other aunt is not doing too well. My mother, as you know, has dementia. My dad is aging. So it's all stuff that's very close to me. But it's also things that I can help my family through. Having gone through this with multiple families over here in the US, I think the most important thing is to just have people around you, both financial and, you know, just emotional support that you trust and that can help you kind of not have to worry about these things when that time does come.

Jordan Rich [00:19:43]:

Thank you for subscribing and downloading the retire South Shore radio podcast. Feel free to leave a review and a rating and tell your friends about us. For much more, visit retiresouthshore.com. that's Retiresouthshore.com. discover how South Shore retirement services helps individuals and their families achieve their ideal.

Narrator [00:20:04]:

Retirements investment advisory products and services made available through Aewealth Management, a registered investment advisor. Insurance products are offered through the insurance business Roulette and Associates, LLC DBA South Shore Retirement services Roulette and Associates, LLC DBA South Shore Retirement Services is also an investment advisory practice that offers products and services through Aewealth Management, a registered investment advisor. AEwM does not offer insurance products. The insurance products offered by Roulette and Associates LLcDBA South Shore Retirement services are not subject to investment advisor requirements. Investing involves risk, including the potential laws of principle. Any references, protection, safety, or lifetime income generally refer to fixed insurance products, never securities or investments. Insurance guarantees are backed by the financial strength and claims paying abilities of the issuing carrier. This podcast is intended for informational purposes only.

Narrator [00:21:09]:

It is not intended to be used as the sole basis for financial decisions, nor should it be construed as advice designed to meet the particular needs of an individual situation mark roulette and associates, LLCDBA South Shore Retirement Services is not permitted to offer a no statement made during this show shall constitute tax or legal advice. Our firm is not affiliated with or endorsed by the us government or any governmental agency. The information and opinions contained herein provided by third parties have been obtained from sources believed to be reliable, but accuracy and completeness cannot be guaranteed by Mark roulette and Associates, LlcdBa South Shore retirement services.